You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
