The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
