Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
