I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
