I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize