So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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