Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
