Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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