listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
