Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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