Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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