Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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