if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
