and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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