just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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