At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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