and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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