my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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