Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
