you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
