Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he was CRYING into my vagina
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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