Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
we're so committed to being not committed
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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