I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
