I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
