Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
