it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am available for nakedness
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
