Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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