haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize