I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
