And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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