so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
