His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
