he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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