Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dick very happy bro
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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