Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
