i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
