i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
