you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
