I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
