Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
