just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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