This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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