I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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