Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
