My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
