You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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