Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
