Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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