i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
