What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
