I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
