Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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