I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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