My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
