Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
