what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
