there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
