Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
