Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
