omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
