He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
