Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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