Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
