I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
