He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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