I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I've blown a few things in my day
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
