Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
