Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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