Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
